Early warning Signs to a toxic relationship Part 2
Continuation from part 1 11. When The negatives aren’t turning positive.
Unhealthy relationships are filled with negativity, and bring out the worst in people rather than the best. Putdowns, criticisms, and insults are all examples of emotional abuse and should never be tolerated. No one deserves to be treated like that, and never make excuses for anyone who treats you that way. Simply put to know that you are in a relationship that will be toxic or already toxic, one of the signs is that the negatives in the relationship will out weigh the positives. And you discover that as a result of the relationship, You are not getting better but worse even, then you are in a wrong relationship. If you keep giving excuses, while you are constantly being put-downs, criticized often and insulted in the relationship, then you are building your castle in the sand. Guess what, castles built on sand doesn't last. But be blinded by materials things that you would gain. If the negatives aren't turning into positives, then you have to head for the exit door.
12. When being in need is confused with being in love.
Look out for possessiveness and over jealousy, as those signs are more about someone being in NEED rather than in LOVE. If there is no foundation of trust in your relationship, you can trust that it’s a warning sign of more trouble ahead. If someone’s love is contingent on “what you can do for me” realize that there might not be room enough in the relationship for the two of you. So many people with the problem of over jealousy and an attitude of possessiveness show signs that they are not whole. Usually, they are often in need of control and not in love. They are looking for who will be under their control. If possessiveness continues, be mindful of that sign. It's a dangerous one!
13. When You feel worse about yourself, not better.
Watch out for a relationship that do not make you a better “you.” If the relationship makes you feel worse about yourself and less comfortable in your own skin, it might be time to shed yourself of the relationship! Mature relationships are based on acceptance, not judgment of how someone thinks someone else should be. 14. When The focus is on changing the other person. Many years ago, I nearly entered into a relationship like the above mentioned. Because my focus on the relationship was to change her to look how I like. That's a sign that I should not even enter the relationship at all. I liked her. She's beautiful and dark. But she's plus size. And I couldn't come to terms with that. I wished she was a bit slimmer. Because I prefer a slim person. So I was trying to get her to be exercising and mind her diet. When I discovered that, if I can't take her as she is, I shouldn't be with her. So I let her go. Because my focus was not right. It was not even about changing myself to be a better man. It was about changing her, so that I can love her. That doesn't make sense. The lady is married now and am happy she married someone that appreciates her the way she is. Knowing when to quit is not weakness. Every opportunity is not for you.
15. When You lose yourself trying to find someone else.
If it's going to take you to lose yourself in order to be with someone, it's a sign that it won't be the right relationship for you. Make sure that you don’t lose yourself in trying to find somebody else. In as much as you may think you need someone else, you need yourself much more. And if you eventually lose yourself to find him or her, it's only a matter of time, you start a journey of finding yourself and consequently, You will lose him or her in the process. So if you find yourself in a relationship that stunts your growth and can only survive at expense of your own emotional survival, it might be time to get out of the love boat before you find yourself sinking.
16. When Your boundaries don’t seem to concern them.
Most of us have boundaries and there is nothing wrong with that. Boundaries are simply a way to make sure we always feel safe and in control over our own destiny. Some people like to keep aspects of their life private—a situation at home, or at work, or why they aren’t comfortable going out to crowded places and so on. It takes time to earn a place in someone’s life, to earn a right to be inside their comfort zone. When someone sidesteps the process of easing their way into your life and starts demanding information or starts demanding things to be as they want, they are violating your boundaries. It can seem trivial at first—pressuring you to go out when you would rather stay in after a long day at work—but these things add up in time and can cause real problems down the line.
17. They don’t seem to be interested in your opinion.
On the other hand, you might be starting a relationship where only you care what you think about any given topic. This tends to get worse over time. If your opinion doesn’t count for something with the person you’re with then it’s time to find a different person. If your other half is doing most of the talking and your opinion is of no value whatsoever now, imagine how it’s going to be down the road. It is a sign that you are not valued or that the person disregards you. That kind of relationship won't end well. In conclusion, this particular sign shows that important decisions in the relationship will be made without your consultation and opinion. It’s easy to make excuses for people we feel attracted to; however, it’s prudent and simple wisdom to watch for these early signs in new relationships so we could spare ourselves more heartbreak further down the road. As the time goes by, it becomes more difficult to break things off as we get more entangled and emotionally invested. So a word of advice: keep your eyes peeled and try to do some thinking with your head instead of your heart.
God bless you all