by Apostle Innocent Chuks
Before every failed relationship, there is always the sign of it. But most often, we tend to ignore the warning signs because we keep believing that things will change. Before an egg will break, it usually starts with a crack. The crack is the sign that a breakage is on the way. Anything that will break your relationship or make your marriage toxic, the sign will always be there. It is our ignorance or deliberately ignoring these early warning signs that hurts us in the future. If you guys are not compatible, You will also see the signs. One day, a friend who has been in a toxic relationship for over two years called me to advise him on what to do. I told him, You don't need my advice because this is clear. If you are going to fight in your marriage, You will see the signs during the courtship. This my friend always fights with his supposed fiance. Yet they believe that it will be well. Love is not enough to have a successful relationship. You need wisdom too. I have heard this kind of his story many times, in many different packages. In the throws of love (or lust) we often ignore even the red flags being waved under our nose. That’s entirely human. Don’t be too quick to judge a new person in your life because we’re all creatures of unpredictability to a greater or lesser extent. But when these signs appear in clusters, or with some regularity, you need to wise up as to what you’re signing on for. What you see during courtship will be exactly what to expect during marriage. But the job of healing is not to beat up on yourself for not seeing them. It’s to face up to what they were, and why you let them go, so you’ll go into your next relationship with your eyes wide (or at least wider) open.
EARLY WARNING SIGNS OF A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP.
1. Trust issues and unjust suspicions. If your partner is unable to trust you, you don’t have a relationship. Some people come into a new relationship still hurting from betrayals in an old one. This can lead to unreasonable distrust and suspicions. If your partner is unable to trust you, you don’t have a relationship. I repeat it again. If your partner is unable to trust you, you don’t have a relationship. How can someone who wants to be with you not trust you? Then you are in the wrong relationship. If you have trust issues. Then you are there all alone. You have a situation where you feel constantly on trial. If you can’t bring yourself to trust someone who cares for you even though they have given you no reason to be distrustful, you have your own work to do. A relationship can’t grow if either one of you feels like they are on probation. One, she has to come to my house by 6am. I was shocked. I asked her why was came by 6am. She said she wanted to find out if another woman slept in the house last night. 5 I have been in such kind of relationship before. At each moment, she thinks I’m alone with another lady. She doesn't believe that I can be faithful to her. The sad part is that I didn't give her a reason to doubt my faithfulness. She’s can't just trust me. This is an expression of distrust. This contributed to the failure of that relationship. In addition, if someone cannot trust you, then you are not made together with him/her simple. If you know you cannot trust him/her, then he/she is not the one for you. Early Warning signs:
2. Unresolved prior relationship If your partner is regularly calling or responding to calls from an ex to provide counseling, comfort or practical help around tasks they should really be able to handle, your partner may not be ready to be in relationship with you fully. If your partner's link and connection to his/her ex is still very active, then this is a warning signal for that he or she is not yet done with the past. You can't carry the past into the future. Emotional ties can still exist with an ex. If this is not taken care of, your partner can even begin to have an affair with the ex The future will suffer it If you notice this Please don't ignore it, It can destroy your marriage if you marry such one. Some people, it is even difficult for them to move on and forget about their ex If you are with such kind of person This is a warning signal Don't say you don't know Now you know The past should be gone and forgotten.
3. Over-involvement with family of origin: A healthy connection with each of your parents will only support your relationship But it’s unhealthy when a person’s most important partnership is not with their adult partner but with their mom and dad If you feel like your partner doesn’t stand up for you when his or her parents criticize you; if your partner wants to include his or her parents in every weekend and vacation activity; if your partner confers with his or her parents about big decisions and doesn’t discuss them with you or dismisses your opinions when they differ from what the parents said; if your partner gives his or her parents money and 7 time that you think belong with your own family – you will never be a real partner in the relationship. It means he or she values his family of origin more than the new family you are building together with him or her. This is a warning signal. Deal with this issue. If not, you will fight a bigger monster in the future.
4. Financial inequity Earning, spending, and saving habits can make or break a relationship. Equality does not mean sameness. Some jobs pay more than others do. Some people come into a relationship with more or less money than their partner but how you will mutually support yourselves and your relationship needs to be frankly talked about as soon as you start discussing becoming exclusive Don’t let this issue slide Neither person should end up feeling exploited or used. Neither partner should feel that he or she has no say in how the 'couples’ money is spent. Do not avoid the issue.
5. Your partner fires up quickly and you’re unsure what triggered it.( The Problem of Anger).If there’s a legitimate reason or story for your partner’s anger that’s one thing and you might like (and need) to take the supportive role But if it blew in like a tornado, seemingly from nowhere, then take note. Be especially warned if YOU are the reason for it and you’re not sure why. In the early stages, we don’t have any perspective on our partner’s moods and emotions — and how quickly they can change. So we tend to cut them a break for it That’s a good thing because they’re probably doing the same for you. Anger management is very crucial in a relationship. Some have lost their lives due to uncontrolled anger. Wives have killed their husbands due to uncontrolled anger. Make sure that he is not a person given to anger. If he or she is, then the issues have to tackle or else, you are sitting on a time bomb. But the reason it can be difficult to identify these abrupt mood changes is that there are many of them and they can happen for very little reason. It doesn’t mean your partner is a bad person but if they struggle to control their emotions in the face of even 9 minor slights it can be very difficult to live with Especially when the target is you.
6. You don’t know what to expect when you go to meet them: Let’s say you’re going to meet your partner for a fun day out. But you don’t feel genuinely relaxed until you get there and you gauge his or her mood. If they’re upbeat, you feel a sense of relief before getting on with your plans. You shouldn’t have to tiptoe towards your partner. You should feel pleased to see them (and they you) not relieved that they are in a good mood. Marry someone that you can predict Not one filled with uncertainty about how they will behave today or tomorrow What you get from them emotionally, and especially their treatment of you, should be largely predictable. You shouldn’t let your days (and ultimately your life) be at the mercy of your partner’s mood and feelings. That’s why the best person to marry is your friend. Not a stranger that you barely know (maybe because he has 10 Money) If you have not developed friendship with someone, he or she is not a candidate to consider for marriage. Don't marry a stranger By the time you know who he really is, You will be looking for the exit door.
7. Your partner struggles to make a genuine apology (even when it’s warranted). Put it another way, a quick and genuine apology for a mistake or misinterpretation is a very good sign. But if your partner has a tendency to excuse their own poor behavior or avoid talking about it, or(worst of all) find a way to blame you, be warned. This is a warning signal. If someone is quick to apologize, it shows meekness and teachable spirit.
8. When Your personal growth cannot flourish in the relationship: Whereas healthy relationships offer safe havens for personal growth, people who feel that their own growth and happiness needs to be sacrificed for the survival of the relationship often find themselves going the wrong way in the tunnel of love. If you are in a relationship, it should foster your personal growth, but if you need to sacrifice your personal growth and development for the relationship to work, then you are in a wrong relationship. The right relationship for you will encourage you to grow in your personal life. It should not be a case of, "is either you choose this relationship or you choose your personal growth and development." If that is the case, You are in a toxic relationship. Wisdom demands that you move on and wait for someone who wants you to grow even due you guys are in a relationship together.
9. They don’t “get it“ that it’s not all your fault. If you are involved with someone who tends to blame you for their anger and problems, and you spend too much energy either defending yourself or trying to be understood, stop expecting the light bulb to turn on. Rather, it only will serve to dim yours. After all, no one can make sense out of nonsense. If you are with Someone that blames you all the time. This is a red flag. A very dangerous warning signs. In conclusion
10. The conflict and arguments just keep popping up. Relationships that are defined by conflict, fighting, blaming and a lack of forgiveness spell disaster. Remember that it takes two people to argue, and another person’s unreasonable behavior is never any excuse for yours. If you are in this kind of relationship of constant arguments and conflicts, then you are in a toxic relationship. Let me tell you the truth.... Anybody you will marry should be able to agree with you 80% of the time. Constant disagreements and conflicts shows that you guys are not compatible. If you are not compatible, You won't enjoy your marriage. You can only endure it. Marriage is designed to be enjoyed, not endured. Constant Arguments are the easiest warning signs to a toxic relationship. Don't ignore it when its only on few occasions that you guys agree on. Let me say it again. If you cannot agree 80% of the time, then you not compatible. I didn't say you should agree 100% of the time I said 80%. Each time I see their call, I know they have started another fight... And they have been that way for more than 2 years. I know someone that every week, I have to answer a call from him or from the partner. I told the guy the truth that they are not compatible. But he wouldn't listen. But finally, they couldn't keep up with the fight, so they have ended a relationship of 4 years. 4 wasted years. And all the reason that it ended, was the same warning signs I saw from when the relationship was 1 month old. Thinking that love will help them out. Because of a truth, they loved each other. But Love is not enough. But they managed it till 4 years. This night, I am imparting you with wisdom. Wisdom to know what to do. It's so unfortunate that we can't finish it this night. I have almost like 10 more points to show you. So I will try and finish it up before weekend next week.
God bless you all.
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